self-care « ForkBytes

Be Your Own Valentine: 5 Ways to Nurture Your Primary Relationship

Note: this piece first appeared in the February 2006 issue of Clark Wellness ForkBytes.

Welcome to February! This month is all about red and pink and hearts and flowers. The focus is on love and taking special time to cultivate romance. But in this month of conversations about relationships, we often forget our primary relationship is with ourselves. Nurturing this relationship is as important if not more important than nurturing other relationships. Self-love and self-care are the keys!

I’ve shared my favorite tips for self-care and nurturing for a loving primary relationship below. Challenge yourself to try all five ideas this month — and let me know how it goes!

1. Indulge yourself. Think of one thing you could do in the next 48 hours that would excite and inspire you. What would be really juicy, fun, and nurturing for you? Maybe you’d like to relax in a candlelit bubble bath with your favorite essential oils and a glass of white wine. Maybe you’d love an invigorating walk through a beautiful park in the brisk, chilly winter air. Maybe you’d enjoy curling up in your favorite PJs with a soft blanket, a warm cup of tea, and a great novel. Once you’ve made up your mind, make a plan to do it!

2. Use the good china. Set a place for yourself at a table every time you eat, and use real dishes, flatware, and napkins. Your “good stuff” shouldn’t be reserved for company. You are worth it!

3. Wear your best underwear. In the same spirit as Tip #2, you are worth it! Even if you’re the only one who ever sees it, that fancy underwear can make you feel fabulous. (By the way, this applies to gentlemen as well as ladies!)

4. Journal. Journaling is the most effective tool I’ve found for draining out negative self-talk from your inner chatterbox. Don’t worry about spelling, grammar, or sentence structure. Just let the words flow.

5. Make a play date. Remember how much fun you had in art class in elementary school? Why not make some construction paper cutouts, crayon drawings, or finger-paint masterpieces? Or, enjoy a special excursion to a playground for some quality time on the jungle gym. Spending time with your inner child is incredibly nurturing and healing!

Slow Down for Winter

Note: this piece first appeared in the December 2005 issue of Clark Wellness ForkBytes.

Culturally, we’ve moved away from our natural tendencies to sleep more and do less during the winter months — in fact, we’ve gone in exactly the opposite direction, trying to be more productive and get more done during the winter than any other time of the year!

This year, try something different. Instead of trying to force yourself to get everything done, try letting some things go. Sleep more and worry less. Make some simple changes in your routine to support your body’s needs. Try the following ideas to help you find balance this winter.

Get more sleep. Rest and relaxation are essential during the colder months. It’s normal to need an extra hour or two of sleep per night in the winter. Listen to your body!

Make intelligent food choices. Warming spices (such as ginger, cumin, and cinnamon) are wonderful for drawing heat into the body, and substantial hot foods (such as whole grains and cooked vegetables) are great options for winter. Be careful not to overeat — winter is a buildup season for your body, and it’s easy to gain unwanted weight, especially if you overindulge in sugary holiday treats.

Turn inward. Winter is the season of introspection. In traditional Chinese medicine, winter is also associated with stronger emotions. This is a perfect time to begin or increase a journaling or meditation practice.

Support your circulation with daily movement. Indoor exercises, such as yoga, are ideal to increase your flexibility and support your meditative practices during winter. Also, try to enjoy some time each day in the fresh air and the scarce winter sun.

Rethink holiday gifts. Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to run yourself into the ground shopping in crowded malls full of stressed-out people. I love Adbusters’ gift exemption voucher (available to download and print on their website). Exchange these vouchers with friends and loved ones (well before the date of your usual gift exchange) and take this season off from gift shopping. If not buying gifts isn’t an option, shop online! It’s much less stressful than braving a shopping center: you can do it in your pajamas and have the perfect item for everyone on your list in minutes.

Reclaiming the Hearth

Note: this piece first appeared in the October 2005 issue of Clark Wellness ForkBytes.

By the year 2010, 75% of the American population will not know how to cook.

That’s a real statistic (from Restaurant News, 1998). Here’s another one. In 1955, Americans spent 25% of their food dollars on restaurant food; in 2002, we were spending 46% — and that number is expected to climb to at least 53% by 2010.

It seems unavoidable in our fast-paced culture that home cooking will fall by the wayside. Between work, school, the kids’ soccer practice, returning phone calls and emails, and paying bills, it’s no wonder that most people scarf down take-out in front of the evening news instead of preparing a home-cooked meal. The warmth and glow of the cooking fire has been replaced by the glow of the television or computer screen.

Many people are intimidated by cooking, especially if they’re beginners. But preparing a wholesome, balanced meal doesn’t have to take hours or be difficult. And it’s worth the effort. In fact, there are a lot of advantages to cooking your own food:

When you prepare it, you have ownership of the food in every sense. You can decide what goes into the food you’re eating (both ingredients and energetics!). You can also cultivate a connection with what you’re putting into your body. It’s empowering to know that you can “own” what you eat.

Cooking your own food is healthier. In terms of nutrient content, most people eat about 50% more fat, calories, and sodium per restaurant meal versus meals prepared at home. It’s also much easier to put extra food away and stop when you’re full when you eat at home.

Preparing food is a positive family, couple, or friends activity. Cooking and eating together is wonderful for nurturing and strengthening relationships. It’s also great to get children involved and teach them healthy habits. And the kitchen is the home’s natural center.

Cooking is therapeutic. Preparing your own food can be like a meditation. To paraphrase something Dr. Andrew Weil taught me in school, cooking is an exercise in manifestation. You have an idea of something you want to create, and you have to juggle many variables in order to bring that thing into existence—make it real, manifest it. You can learn the skills in the kitchen and then take them out into the world in general and use them in your life.

This month, I encourage you to take steps to reclaim your own hearth. If you’re new to cooking, take a cooking class or try one of our easy recipes. Start with simple, nourishing recipes, and be patient with yourself. If a mistake happens in the kitchen, try again!

Back to Balance: Caring for Your Golden Goose

Note: this piece first appeared in the August 2005 issue of Clark Wellness ForkBytes.

Do you remember the story of the golden goose? This is the fable of the poor farmer who was amazed to discover that his goose had laid a golden egg. To his further amazement, the goose continued to lay golden eggs, and the man grew richer and richer. Unfortunately, he also grew greedier and greedier, and one day, in his impatience, he decided to kill the goose to remove all the eggs at once. Of course, that plan backfired, and the man and his magical goose were both ruined.

After the last gasp of vacation on Labor Day, September signifies that it’s time to get back to the “grind” of normal life—back to school, back to hard work. It’s time to stop goofing off and get down to business. This is a natural swing of the pendulum after a few months of relaxation, but it’s important to remember that the products of your hard work are like golden eggs, and you are like the goose. You require (and deserve!) lots of care to be able to do the things you do in your life.

In a recent lecture on self-compassion, I spoke about four “levels” of self-care that I’d like to share now with you.

PHYSICAL This area refers to the care and feeding of your physical body. Getting appropriate food, exercise, and sleep are all essential for keeping your body healthy and happy.

MENTAL This area refers to the care and feeding of your brain. The brain craves challenges and problems to solve. Are you being challenged—in both your workday and in your free time?

EMOTIONAL This area refers to the care and feeding of your heart. Are you in supportive, fulfilling relationships with others? What about your relationship with yourself?

SPIRITUAL This area refers to the care and feeding of your spirit. Do you include activities in your life that make you feel alive and connected to your best self?

As you shift into “work mode” this month, I encourage you to check in with yourself in each of these areas and evaluate how you can improve them. Thinking of things in these terms can help you determine what’s missing when you start feeling a little out of whack—and carefully tending to all four areas can help you achieve greater balance in your life.

8 Tips for Stress-Free Travel

Note: This piece first appeared in the July 2005 issue of Clark Wellness ForkBytes.

You’ve selected the perfect relaxing summer vacation destination. Whether you’re going to a tropical beach, a beautiful national or state park, a historic European city, or a chilly Alaskan cruise, you’re ready to get away from it all and enjoy being in a different environment. But what about getting there?

You don’t want the stress of the airport, train station, or interstate at the beginning and end of your vacation to overshadow all the fun and relaxing in the middle. Try these ideas to make your travel experience as beneficial as the vacation itself!

1. Change your thinking. A positive attitude is key for maintaining serenity in a stressful environment. Think of your vacation as starting before you even leave your house—when you’re packing, when you’re on your way to the airport, when you’re waiting for your flight, when you’re on the flight, etc.—and use every opportunity to see your experiences in a positive light. For example, if your flight is delayed, think, “Hooray! Now I get extra time to read this great mind-candy trashy paperback!” or “Yes!! Extra time to enjoy the airport people-watching!”

2. Plan ahead. Knowing where you’re going and how to get there will help you calm down the little voice in the back of your mind that is nervous about an unfamiliar environment. Research ahead of time how to use public transportation to get from the train station to your hotel, or know the exact address to tell your taxi driver (and bring a map!). It’s helpful to put all your trip information, including itinerary and confirmation numbers, into one central document so you’re not trying to keep track of lots of scraps of paper.

3. Breathe. If something stressful happens during your trip, take at least three long, slow, deep breaths before you react. It only takes seconds, but it moves your body from a freaked-out state to a calm state immediately, and you’ll be much better equipped to deal with the situation if you feel calm.

4. Water. Water is important all the time, but it’s essential to drink plenty of clean water during travel. Planes, cars, and trains are all extremely dehydrating (so are hotel rooms, by the way). Carry a water bottle with you at all times. I like to add a few drops of Bach’s Rescue Remedy (a homeopathic product available in health food stores) to my bottle to help alleviate stress!

5. Food. Plan to bring food with you. Travel is notorious for causing the munchies, and travel centers (such as airports and bus stations) are unfortunately notorious for not offering health-supportive choices! Sandwiches, fruit, and nuts are all great, portable choices.

6. Entertainment. Waiting is part of the reality of modern travel, and reading material, music, and books on tape are all great tools for keeping yourself and your travel companions amused. I also love to play the Squiggle Game, either alone or with a partner (it’s great for partners of any age!). You draw a squiggle on a piece of paper, and then your partner makes your squiggle into a drawing. Then he or she draws you a squiggle and you trade.

7. Stretch. Human bodies don’t like to be cramped in a train, plane, or car seat for hours. Be sure to get up and walk around as much as possible, and also stretch while seated. A few neck and shoulder rolls and seated twists can help keep your body awake during a long period of sitting.

8. Wear layers. Even on the hottest summer days, planes, trains, and buses tend to be quite cool (part of this is your body’s response to being sedentary for such a long time), so be sure to bring a light jacket for a comfortable trip.

Arrive at your destination relaxed, rejuvenated, and ready to enjoy! Have a great trip!

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